Cast your minds back to August 16th 2008 and the men’s 100m final at the Beijing Olympics. Who could forget the phenomenal world record of 9.69 seconds set by Usain Bolt. And what did he do exactly one year later??? Only obliterated him own record with a staggering time of 9.58sec – taking an unheard of 0.11 seconds off the previous mark. The greatest chunk off of the 100m record prior to last Sunday was 0.05 seconds – achieved by Bolt and Maurice Greene before him. Unbelievable!!!

So when Thursday night’s men’s 200m final came around – a full year to the day since the Beijing final when Bolt broke Michael Johnson’s 200m record, I was more than a little surprised to hear all the pundits claim there would be no world record. What, athletics greatest showman simply settling for the gold medal? Never… And Bolt didn’t disappoint, amazingly taking, that’s right, 0.11 seconds off his own world record to take the gold in 19.19 sec.  The Berlin track is supposedly not that fast, yet a record five men dipped under 20 seconds in that race. Usain felt that the race was fast but not that good (what?), so just how much faster can he go??? Perhaps we’ll find out on August 20th next year?

Almost as entertaining as the race itself were the celebrations afterwards. Ahem, here’s where I have to admit a guilty secret… I have a bit of a thing for sports mascots and Berlino the Bear is one of my favourites. Following the 200m Berlino raced Usain around the track and stopped for photos with the World Champion, even posing next to the world record timer. Earlier in the week the cheeky bear also got it on with gold medallists Steffi Nerius and Anna Rogowska, and was launched over the shoulders of Robert Harting. Best of all was the ride he gave Melaine Walker after her victory in the 400m hurdles. Clearly high on the atmosphere in the Olympic Stadium, Berlino gave Melaine a piggy-back around the stadium only to be stopped in his tracks by a trolley full of hurdles at which point he dropped the Jamaican on her arse! (Being the true gent he is, he quickly picked her up and checked she was OK). http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/athletics/8213221.stm

Berlino, you’re a legend and I love you…are you single??? 

The 12th World Championships of Athletics begin in Berlin tomorrow and I can barely contain my excitement. Being the 3rd biggest global sporting event after the Olympics and football World Cup, I feel I have good reason to be dancing around the living room in my underwear in anticipation.

Go on, admit it, with the prospect of the three fastest men in history going head to head over 100 metres on Sunday you know you want to throw off your trousers and do the samba!

Let’s take a look at the facts. The event’s outstanding favourite is triple Olympic champion and fastest man in the whole wide world ever Usain Bolt. Bolt is yet to win a World title, taking a measly silver behind Gay in the 200 metres in Osaka two years ago. But you’d have to be a stark, staring lunatic (or Sanchez…no wait, Sanchez is a stark, staring lunatic) to bet against a man who’s p.b. is 9.69 seconds!!! That’s over 23mph for Pete’s sake. Tyson Gay, however, is the reigning World 100 and 200m champion and has posted this year’s fastest 100m time of 9.77sec. He was kept out of last year’s Olympic 100m final due to injury, denying us all the head-to-head this year’s event promises.

Add to this the fact that the IAAF is paying a $100,000 bonus for any athlete breaking a world record at the championships and I think we’ll see fireworks!

I feel duty bound to say that former world record holder Asafa Powell should also be in the mix, but as we’ve witnessed in successive Olympic and World finals, great times don’t guarantee you a medal and Powell seems to let himself get beaten before the gun’s even gone off. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of the guy and he’s clearly immensely talented, he just lacks that winning mentality when it comes to the major finals, which is a real shame and I truly hope he does turn up this time, as what an epic final that would make. 

Other highlights of the week include the men’s 200m (for all the reasons above!), the 400m grudge match between World Champion and so-called successor to Michael Johnson, Jeremy Wariner and last year’s Olympic champ LaShawn Merritt and the battle of the lanky lasses, Blanca Vlasic and her new arch nemesis Ariane Friedrich in the high jump – now there’s a record begging to be broken. I personally love to see the shot put, with Adam Nelson whipping himself up into a frenzy and ripping off his shirt before every attempt and Olympic champ Tomasz Majewski who ‘accidentally’ dropped the shot on rival Christian Cantwell’s foot a couple of week’s ago at Crystal Palace, now, now boys. let’s play fair! I’m looking forward to Jessica Ennis winning the heptathlon – no more lame excuses and fish ‘n’ chip suppers as you’d expect from Kelly Sutherton, no, barring any doped up Eastern European he-birds, I’d stake my house (and have! oh dear god, what have I done?) that Ennis will take the gold.

I promise you this, there will be epic showdowns, world records, tears and tantrums (from the American athletes!) and men with magnificent physiques. What more could a girl ask for…?

Dear Steve,

Firstly allow me to congratulate you on your gold medal in the pole vault at the Beijing Olympics last year, and your Commonwealth Gold from Melbourne in 2006. And it must be quite an honour to be a member of the exclusive '6 Metre Club', one of just 17 men to clear that height, in fact, with an indoor best of 6.06m only the great Sergey Bubka has ever vaulted higher.

With this in mind is it any wonder I chose you as Captain for my fantasy Athletics team for the Stockholm Super Grand Prix event on Friday? In a rather lack-lustre field you were the stand-out class act in the line up - a guaranteed 100 points, doubled as I named you my Team Captain!

So Steve, where did you finish the competition? What's that.....third???

This displeases me greatly...

I've now plummeted from 345th to 447th in the Fantasy Athletics rankings. That's one hundred and two flippin' places Steve! Some captain you were...

With three failures at 5.71m, only a third time clearance at 5.61m and two attempts to get over 5.51 and 5.31 for pity's sake, you were beaten by Sweden's Jesper Fritz (no disrespect Jes, but, WHO???) and Maksym Mazuryk of Ukraine. Oh, hang on there goes my phone...hello? Oh hi Doc, what's that you say? You, Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Dopey, Bashful and Sleepy all could have gone higher than 5.61... without the aid of a pole....hmmmm.

Was the beautiful 1912 Olympic Stadium not inspiring enough? Are you lulling the opposition into a false sense of security with just two weeks to go before the World Championships in Berlin? Perhaps it was the windy conditions? Are you sure you got your preparation just right? You know as well as I do that optimum performance relies greatly on the length and rigidity of your pole!

Whatever the excuse Steve, just know this, maybe you Aussies are comfortable with defeat but third place just doesn't cut it where I come from. You're off the team. Take your limp pole and get out!

"I've said over the years that British sprinters are very lazy and don't really want to practise," says former world record holder Asafa Powell.

Now, is it just me, or does anyone else think that's a bit rich coming from a Jamaican? I mean, Jamaica, renowned for being the world's most laid-back country...hardly a nation you'd expect to be particularly industrious! And so, was it hard graft that made Asafa the phenomenon he is today? I think not...

Powell hails from Spanish Town - in recent years this former Jamaican capital has also earned itself the title of Murder Capital. During August 2004 the town averaged 4 murders a day. Faced with this kind of statistic is it any wonder that the town's inhabitants run bloody fast?

Anyone care to tell Linford Christie, Colin Jackson, Sally Gunnell or Daley Thompson that they're lazy? They'd wave their Olympic medals in your face (er, Colin wouldn't do this as he's far too nice...and didn't actually win one, but he was world record holder). And along with Linford, how about sub 10 second sprinters Jason Gardner, Dwain chambers and Mark Lewis-Francis (let's ignore that faulty wind gauge shall we)? OK, maybe Team GB does struggle to compete against the best Jamaica and the US can throw at us, but it's not from a lack of trying.

So let's consider the obstacles Britain's valiant sprinters have to overcome.

The legacy starts in school. If you're a Brit reading this now, let me ask you, just how much encouragement did you get from your PE teacher in school? I've always loved sport but have never been gifted in this field. What I lacked in talent I more than made up for in enthusiasm. That was, however, until it was knocked out of me by my school's head of sport, Mrs Lynch. During a tennis lesson one dreary summer's afternoon it was pointed out to me in front of the whole class that my tennis racket hung by my side like a piece of limp knicker-elastic. Hmmm, ridicule, always guaranteed to bring out the best in a child...

The dismal British climate isn't exactly conducive to electrifying track times. Caribbean sprinters can expect their winter training to take place in around 8 hours of sunshine with temperatures averaging 29C. On a winter's day in London you can expect just 2 degrees, howling gales, permadrizzle and an average of just one hour's sunshine - I can feel the rickets setting in now...

Didn't your granny always tell you to wrap up warm? Well those thermal underpants really start to chafe when you reach speeds over 10 metres per second. And it's a scientific fact that wearing thermals can cause an average reduction in speed of 0.012m/s. That's a loss of a whopping 1.2 seconds over 100m!

To my mind British sprinters deserve a medal for simply turning up having overcome such colossal adversity.

You can call us beer-swilling, uncultured, pie-eating, unwashed lardy-arses.

But lazy?

No, I'm not having that Mr Powell!