Cricket doesn’t get much better then this. Because, you know, cricket sucks.

Except during the Ashes.

This years grudge match between the old enemies England and Australia has been full of twists and turns (many of them made by me, in search of the remote so I can CHANGE THE FUCKING CHANNEL). First off we had Australia sending home their star bowler Brett Lee because he was spotted having a pint after dinner. No, you didn’t read that wrong, an Australian was sent home for having a drink. What the hell is going on with the world? You can’t blame the recession on that one; that’s just your stereotypical homemade stupidity.

Then, more unexpected then an orgasm in a restaurant, England actually started dominating and took the initial lead in the best of five series. In fact, had it not been for rain, England could well have sealed the ashes already. How Ironic. England fans usually pray for the draw inducing rain delay to avoid humiliation. I love it when God fucks with our heads.

In typical British style however and not wishing to disappoint, England managed to go all out for 102 in their first innings of the penultimate match and once again proved that they still have a chance of clutching defeat from the jaws of victory.

 So, with one game to play the score stands at one a piece. The final match will decide who takes home the beloved ashes. Well, not the ashes of course, they’re in a museum for boring fuckers somewhere. But I digress. With injuries (and hopeless incompetence) mounting up, England are in search of a saviour. And they think they may have found one in 39 year old former star and previous winner of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, Mark Ramprakash. A man who retired from international cricket in 2002. Yeah…

Though in blistering form for his county, Ramprakash hasn’t been officially picked yet, but he will be. And depending on how the final match plays out, he will be hindsight’s deciding factor over whether England came out glorious victors, or once again failed in their usual disastrous, humiliating, fashion.

[BBC Sport]

[Guardian Ashes Blog]

For some reason, road cycling finds itself less interesting then the stories written about it in the media. That was almost certainly the case in this years Tour de France, which was won by Spain’s Alberto Contador. (Cool name, btw…)

The ongoing playground spat between Contador and seven time winner Lance Armstrong was well documented throughout the race but you would expect once the winner was decided, that the teammates would let it go, shake hands and move on. Not so.

Contador is reportedly furious with Armstrong for criticising his race strategy. Which leaves me with just one question… Really?

"My relationship with Lance Armstrong is zero," Contador told a news conference in Madrid.

"He is a great rider but it is another thing on a personal level, where I have never had great admiration for him and I never will."

Nice. I mean come on Alberto, you beat the guy, you proved your strategy was solid and everyone knows you won’t be riding together next year, isn’t that enough? Clearly not.

Thankfully Armstrong took the high road, so we won’t have to put up with this story much longer.

“I think this year's performance would have beaten my performances in 2001, 2004 and 2005,"

"Contador is that good, so I don't see how I would have been higher than that, even in the other years."

Personally, I think the real issue here is how stupid a rivalry this is though. Contador is 26 and at the peak of his career. Armstrong is 37 and only came back to the sport ‘cause he had shit all else to do (er… one assumes). Ah well, at least it gave cycling journo’s the chance to write about something other than substance abuse for a month…

[BBC Sport]