Cricket doesn’t get much better then this. Because, you know, cricket sucks.

Except during the Ashes.

This years grudge match between the old enemies England and Australia has been full of twists and turns (many of them made by me, in search of the remote so I can CHANGE THE FUCKING CHANNEL). First off we had Australia sending home their star bowler Brett Lee because he was spotted having a pint after dinner. No, you didn’t read that wrong, an Australian was sent home for having a drink. What the hell is going on with the world? You can’t blame the recession on that one; that’s just your stereotypical homemade stupidity.

Then, more unexpected then an orgasm in a restaurant, England actually started dominating and took the initial lead in the best of five series. In fact, had it not been for rain, England could well have sealed the ashes already. How Ironic. England fans usually pray for the draw inducing rain delay to avoid humiliation. I love it when God fucks with our heads.

In typical British style however and not wishing to disappoint, England managed to go all out for 102 in their first innings of the penultimate match and once again proved that they still have a chance of clutching defeat from the jaws of victory.

 So, with one game to play the score stands at one a piece. The final match will decide who takes home the beloved ashes. Well, not the ashes of course, they’re in a museum for boring fuckers somewhere. But I digress. With injuries (and hopeless incompetence) mounting up, England are in search of a saviour. And they think they may have found one in 39 year old former star and previous winner of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, Mark Ramprakash. A man who retired from international cricket in 2002. Yeah…

Though in blistering form for his county, Ramprakash hasn’t been officially picked yet, but he will be. And depending on how the final match plays out, he will be hindsight’s deciding factor over whether England came out glorious victors, or once again failed in their usual disastrous, humiliating, fashion.

[BBC Sport]

[Guardian Ashes Blog]

I’ve always been of the opinion that squash was invented by a childish madman who was denied a decent concrete wall with which to hammer his soccer ball as a child.

The concept of two people being confined in a small, white-walled room, given rackets weapons and then being told to hammer a small, fast-moving rubber bullet at each other may sound like a sport created for the damned, but is actually the most enjoyable, energetic sport I have ever played by far.

The injury level is severe. Running full pelt into solid concrete is not, I am led to believe, something the human body was designed for. However, with four walls of the stuff around you it is not something that can completely be avoided. Nor is it as entirely unpleasurable as it sounds. Especially when the sickening smack of flesh hammering wall comes from your opponent… as you lightly touch a squeeze shot into the opposite corner for the score. The bastard.

At a base level, Squash is controlled insanity. But when it comes to Doubles Squash, you can remove the ‘controlled’ element.

With four people vying for space and waving their deceptively light, but painfully solid tools of war around, Doubles Squash is more like a mêlée then a sport. A players desire for an accurate, powerful shot is tinged with his reluctance to suffer any of the various injuries that come from receiving a racket to the face. Or crotch.

Doubles Squash is a game invented by the insane, for the insane. And it is the most fun activity I have ever engaged in.

The world of Doubles Squash is as erratic as the sport itself. The World Doubles Squash Championships has been held only three times, in 1997, 2004 and 2006. There is no set timetable for the event and it is not widely followed. The current world champions in the men’s, women’s and mixed fields are all Australians, which says a lot really. Australians have never been afraid to fly against usual sporting convention (see Aussie Rules) and a sport that is so dramatically badly designed seems perfect for a nation known to show no fear.

It is this randomness and eccentricity that makes Doubles Squash so uniquely intriguing to me and many other raving fruitcakes. I thoroughly recommend it.

[Squash Blog]

[Doubles Squash Wiki]