Cricket doesn’t get much better then this. Because, you know, cricket sucks.
Except during the Ashes.
This years grudge match between the old enemies England and Australia has been full of twists and turns (many of them made by me, in search of the remote so I can CHANGE THE FUCKING CHANNEL). First off we had Australia sending home their star bowler Brett Lee because he was spotted having a pint after dinner. No, you didn’t read that wrong, an Australian was sent home for having a drink. What the hell is going on with the world? You can’t blame the recession on that one; that’s just your stereotypical homemade stupidity.
Then, more unexpected then an orgasm in a restaurant, England actually started dominating and took the initial lead in the best of five series. In fact, had it not been for rain, England could well have sealed the ashes already. How Ironic. England fans usually pray for the draw inducing rain delay to avoid humiliation. I love it when God fucks with our heads.
In typical British style however and not wishing to disappoint, England managed to go all out for 102 in their first innings of the penultimate match and once again proved that they still have a chance of clutching defeat from the jaws of victory.
So, with one game to play the score stands at one a piece. The final match will decide who takes home the beloved ashes. Well, not the ashes of course, they’re in a museum for boring fuckers somewhere. But I digress. With injuries (and hopeless incompetence) mounting up, England are in search of a saviour. And they think they may have found one in 39 year old former star and previous winner of ‘Strictly Come Dancing’, Mark Ramprakash. A man who retired from international cricket in 2002. Yeah…
Though in blistering form for his county, Ramprakash hasn’t been officially picked yet, but he will be. And depending on how the final match plays out, he will be hindsight’s deciding factor over whether England came out glorious victors, or once again failed in their usual disastrous, humiliating, fashion.
[BBC Sport]
[Guardian Ashes Blog]